I listen to the Ticket all day via internet stream. For those of you who spend most of your listening time over the air, you might not know what I am talking about, but for those of you who stream all day long (thanks, MaxFlo!), you know what I am talking about.
There are only about 10-15 commercials that play on the internet stream, so you hear the same ones over and over and over and over and over all day long. For example, there is currently an ad running for The Reverend Horton Heat’s upcoming performance at the Grenada. I have heard this commercial no less than 300 times in the past two weeks.
So, it got me thinking…what are the commercials that have imprinted themselves on you over the Ticket years? What are the commercials that you could have done without? What are your favorites?
These are just a few that come to mind, in no particular order or preference:
- Howie Mandel’s “Boneless Chicken” rant
- Judge Softie
- There used to be one on the internet stream where it had guys yelling at each other while at a Nascar Race. The only reason I really remember this one is because it was 3x louder than the other commercials and I always had to turn my speakers down.
- There was also one commercial on the stream that was a Corby spot, but his voice was slightly sped up and it sounded like Corby Chipmunk.
- I always crack up when the hosts change alliances. Norm has sung the praises of at least three different car dealerships in his tenure, and Gordo changes weekly, it seems like.
- The “Dallas Dodge” yelling guy.
As an aside, can someone please tell Rick Arnett to stop leading off every bumper with “Hello, Golf!”? Maybe just mix in ONE that doesn’t start that way?
What do you guys think? Comment below on the ads that you remember, for better or worse.
UPDATE: There are new commercials on the internet stream that require mention:
- Ralph Strangis talking about his “100 inches” with his wife. What is it about advertisers that makes them think that Males 18-54 want to hear another guy talk about his dick? The innuendo is just sad, and I am ashamed that Ralphie would stoop to that level willingly. At least I don’t have to hear about his power-sucking pleasure dome.
- What gives with the 30 seconds of drums just playing? Are they using that as filler because they don’t have enough spots? It is just weird.
Galyan’s girl.
The commercial for the Normathon that had the lady singing, “Norman,” which I believe Mike spoofed on a WTDS in chipmunk voice two years ago.
the “Hey GOLF” drives me insane! As far as commercials, my favorite is how the hosts jump around. When they do live spots for companies, then 2 months later they’re contradicting themselves, it always makes me want to question their word, even though I know it’s money in their pockets.
The one sponsor that has always stuck is D&M Leasing. Such a genius title sponsor for the D&M show.
The most uncomfortable spot? Craig Junior Spank Miller talking about having things shoved up his butt since he’s 40! Wonder how much fight he put up against doing that spot.
I’ve always wondered why sponsors don’t have Gordo’s characters do spots. If I was to pay for a spot, give me the Crazy Prospector or someone like that. It will grab everyone’s attention.
I have always imagined that Gordo makes it a sticking point in his endorsements that he can say WHATEVER he wants, and that is the only way he will do the spot. That is the only way I can imagine him getting away with some of the stuff he does say during a live spot. Hopefully the sponsors all laugh, but I can definitely imagine one or two sponsors not being too happy with some of the stuff he says on live spots.
I think that the one ad, above all others, that drove me to a point of insane rage, was…
[singing in a shrill child’s voice]
Scruff – McGruff – Chicago – Illinois – 60652
I always thought that was his nickname or something, because he says it so fast: “Hello, Golf Rick Arnett here…”
Ones that always stick out to me during the day:
“My Computer Career dot com”
The trumpet on Norm’s ad for Texans can academy with Cheryl Rios
93.3 FM stations ad is extremely annoying! “Yeeah-ee-aahh-ee-aa-ee-yeahh there’s a party in the U-S-A!!” “I Ninety THREE!!”
The one on the internet where Junior is getting his allergies cured: The woman in that spot is tough to bear. And she says, “and he’s been healthy every since” instead of “ever since”. That drives me batty!
A cold country morning and a piping hot ISP, cool link is for the whole family! Also, “I got a ranch in downtown dallas…” and “parra people and parra prices make the difference, at fraaaannnnnnk PARRA!
Thank you T-speed!
Gonna take my dog down to Man’s Best Friend
Body Shaper Brotha’ – Hammer loved that in the late nineties
What about Doty at Del Friscos?
8-Dollar D-Dollar at Blockbuster
That Galyan’s girl was an immediate ender!
We match make and the new 93.3 commercials are death blows…
Powerdown: That first rendition of the allergy commercial was the most confusing thing ever.
“He had….milk allergies…she treated him for the symptoms of…milk allergies?”
Mexicanjunior: What kid isn’t happy with pizza and milkshakes?
*gunshot*
*slump*
Here are a few:
How many people heard a Nate’s ad, went to Nate’s and expected to meet a nice older black man. Only to run into a middle age white dude?
On Friday’s there is a useless add featuring “All the Sports that Fits”. It seems like some spare guy with a ridiculous “Sylvester” speech impediment. I wish I had enough money to pay for an add every week to espouse my opinions. I would actually pay to keep this guy off the air.
My crowning jewel of stupid ads is “Bob Tomes Ford”. Can’t someone pull this guy aside and tell him his voice is so annoying that it has to drive people away? This guy sounds like he is on a respirator, gasping for his last breath. Someone please pull him from the radio.
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is…. I got a feeling, that tonights gonna be a good night…. Yeaaaaaaaaah, it’s a party in the USA. The new I-93.
carsforkids doooootttt ORRRRRRRRRRRGgg (sounds like Norm is about to keel over).
myyyyyyyyy compuuterr careeeeeeeeer dot COM.
these run too often.
Healthy Trim with Jub Jub and Big Strong was my WORST of all time.
“Is that the one with the hot mom?”
” the one with the abs?”
“yeah”
“yeah?”
“Yeah”
“yeah”
@Tim: The Bob Tomes guy does sound like he just ran the 100m dash before he records the commercials.
With all the business in sports….ahh, nevermind.
I would personally like to kill that Bitch that does the we match make ads…. And that’s a FACT!!!
@Sports Panties I HATED that one…glad it’s gone…
the stupidest part about that one was Jeremy would say “do I look like I run?”
isn’t that the point of losing weight?? wouldn’t you want to look like you did?
“I’m losing my MAN BOOBS”
AMEN to the “Scruff – McGruff – Chicago – Illinois – 60652”
That thing got played like every break for a month straight and almost drove me into a homicidal rage. Beat me to high holy!
And that D-Bag Chris Runyon and his A Cooler House ads. Sure he has rugged good looks and a radio voice from the heavens, but what’s with the Kenny G love making music in the background? Makes me think I’m listening to a commercial about Cialis, not weather stripping.
“i lived with 4 females in medical school…and let me tell you…size DOES matter…”
One of my favorite jingles from the past decade:
“Bob Tomes Ford/Honda Cars of McKinney/Eldorado Chevrolet Mazda Chrysler Plymouth Jeep/The Big Three-big three-big three!!! Of McKinney!”
Oh, yeah – don’t forget the Triple Fake Mills Brothers jingles for Kaufmann Tire…
I’m with MJ regarding the current rotation of streaming commercials. How does the 93.3 playlist translate to the target Ticket demographic?
As for all-time enders, I have two:
– Don’t ever get me a gift from Galyan’s, no matter how nice.
– “In my sideroom, with white curtains, and recliners…” Click.
“We just want to make lemonade out of lemons” 😐
I usually fast-forward past commercials, but here are the ones that immediately came to mind:
– “Scruff, McGruff, Chicago Illinois, six-oh-six-five-two!” [kill me]
– Junior last year and George this year doing commercials for some Christmas eve service (really funny because it would play right after some lewd segment)
– “Texas Can Academy…Give up the car, not the kid”
But what really gets me is that whatever or whoever is in charge of activating/deactivating the internet commercial feed forgets to do their job every now and then. Unless it’s normal to go segment, 7 minutes of ads, ticker, 7 more minutes of ads, ticker, then finally a segment.
The ‘what about me?” topless ads were tiring. The Snoring Center, Belvedere Vodka, Sewell dealership ads…pretty much anything with a smug sounding Corby make me want to purchase the opposite A.S.A.P.
WAY overplayed:
“That hermit crab next to that hot girl?!” “I didn’t put it there.” “Creep.”
“People say turn in your car, but it goes out of state; it doesn’t stay here” (Texas CAN Academy) Um, hasn’t it always been the TX CAN Academy that asked us to turn in our old cars to them? Now suddenly they’re trying to pass it off as something other people said.
Jarring and funny:
“SEX CRIMES……”
sing this and it fits together and sounds right.. Sing the two parts just like they are in the commercials:
We make leasing easy at D&M, at frank parra!
I just thought of another one…I don’t know if this one was on the air, but it was for Titan Fence…it had chicks talking about how great this guy’s wood was…the innuendo was embarrassing. I thought the commercial was over the top, and they seemed to have changed it recently to something less sexual. I couldn’t believe that someone out there would think that someone would go buy a fence based on that tripe.
Doanwanna Poopoo:
The Can Academy lady whips me too…
“Clunkers for kids…”
I miss Ribi doing Clamato Tomato and Man’s Best Friend…
“At Cabaret Royale, we love you long time.” She stumbled through it so that I’m not sure if she was drunk or trying to do some weird accent. I still find myself saying that line at really weird times.
And definitely “the one with the hot mom”. The awkwardness kills, and it played SO MUCH!
@goodwilldrums that is very true! I also found it irritating that they referred to boxed meals as ” waaay too complicated.” That doesn’t even make sense!
the worst spot ever is the Texas Can Academy… those horns are AWFUL; i would never donate an automobile out of sheer principle
YES!!!! SEX CRIMES! That one has jarred me out of a reduced capacity state at least once.
The dating website one currently playing on the internet stream nearly drives me to commit a violent sex crime/homicide. And one other thing: even though its been a few years to get used to it, I STILL CAN’T FUCKING STAND CONRAD!! That guy blows ass-cock.
And how much would it cost to pull the Bob Tomes ads and beat Bob Tomes (or whomever utters “Cowabunga!”) to death. Seriously, that’s how bad it is. It compulses me to uneccessary superlatives and violence.
How about Ralph Strangis’ “Electronic Power Sucking Pleasure Dome”?
@ powerdown.
“And guess what, I’m not at the game….”
When was the last time Ralph Strangis was not at a Stars game???
@taylor – I had the exact same thought. I would bet the LAST thing that Ralph wants to do on a day off is watch hockey on TV, and they do make it sound like he wants to watch Stars games.
The commercial with the two guys screaming at the NASCAR race was responsible for killing all streaming in our office.
After our boss’s prude wife heard that extremely loud commercial a couple of times, she made an ammendment in the employee handbook to prohibit any radio/music.
Thanks alot Bin Laden.
The smug chuckling “internet beach bum millionaire” who was pitching some kind of seminar was a punchout.
My favorite was the lisping supergay Sears siding commercial that was lampooned in a Hardline bit that was never replayed.
Someone please kill Brad Thomassssss.
People have mentioned Dallas Can Adademy already, but nobody has mentioned the porno music that plays in the background while Norm is interviewing the DCA representative. It’s uncomfortable.
The biggest beating of a commercial I can remember was the Brookstone spot that had the loud snoring in the background. That’s the only one that’s ever made me change the station to avoid hearing it.
“Scruff McGruff, Chicago, IL, 60652!!!” I will never forget this commercial…
The Dallas Can ads drain my life force. And for a not for profit organisation that is supposedly dedicated to helping kids, they spend a hell of a lot of money on advertising.
And why would I donate a car to help some dumbass kid who screwed his life up? Bad luck. Life’s a shit sandwich and it’s always lunchtime.
Fever, fever, fever right now… that damn Hooters commercial, can’t change the channel fast enough
Any Ticket promo for Ticketstock or the Great Game are an ass whip… I agree about that AT&T ad with the girl dating her old boyfriend again… who writes that shit?
That’s T-H-E! D-O-G!
…
…
…
…
Ssssssssss!
Anyone remember the really annoying promos that started with dudes shouting “WE LIKE HOCKEY!” Immediate tune-out for me.
I agree that Ralph’s “100-inches” is shameless, but that got me thinking about just the general Ticket promos that run throughout the day.
Is it just me, or does the overly “regular guy” shtick beat anyone else down? I cringe when I’ve got a non-Ticket listener in my car. I’ve been trying to extol the virtues of 1310 — then their announcer spouts off some generic “guy” promo like…
“We’re just average dudes, drinkin’ beers and watchin’ boobs, buddy! Spooooooorts! Polishin’ our wood (insert girl giggle) on the little Ticket.”
Barf. I like all those things too, but for some reason playing down to this level feels embarrassing. The best humor on the Ticket is so much more than generic “man jokes”.
On the other hand, when 103.3 tries to sound casual, it really reeks of trying too hard.
I totally agree…the innuendo promos and commercials are the worst thing about the ticket. I get tired of hearing about Ralph’s 100 inches, the “Joe got new wood” schtick, or the girl with the sexy voice extolling any number of different products and services.
I think one of the biggest problems is that Conrad isn’t that good at merging the innuendo in his voiceovers. He just doesn’t sound natural at all when making those kind of jokes.
If I were in charge (God forbid), that is the first thing I would get rid of (the crappy innuendo aimed at the 8th graders).
The new TXU commercial with the lady talking to her kid who wants all the lights on. Like most advertising today, they emasculate the kid before he even has a chance to grow up, and the mom is the same voice that’s in half the radio commercials these days. At the end, she call her kid “Bud” and the way she says it is very under-enunciated. Maybe she has a speech impediment and can’t pronounce her B’s and D’s, I don’t know. Why is she calling her kid “Bud”? Did she learn that from some shallow, doooosh bartender in Addison?