The New Year Resolutions for Doanwanna Poopoo

A little update regarding closing or selling the site.

For most people, a new year resolution is nothing but a setup for failure. Sure, some people can follow through with them, but the majority of us just set ourselves up for failure. Everyone wants to lose weight or get into shape. Maybe stop a bad habit they’ve been at for many, many years. Not sure if there have been studies on the actual success rates of these yearly let downs, but I’d say you have a big risk to fail…but there’s always next year!!

Since I fall into the same group as most of you, I wanted to set some goals this year that I think many of you can follow and be as successful as I will be. I wanted to share my resolutions with everyone at the tiny unticket since I’m sure everyone will help me reach my goals.

I will take up smoking. Pot. Cigs. Maybe even crack or meth. But I promise to be really good at anything that I inhale.

I promise to eat the recommended 6 meals a day, only they will all be fast food delights, super-sized. I will do my best to gain 150 lbs and require hospitalization due to clogged arteries.

All of my family and friends will see and hear a lot less from me. Everyone knows that most people really don’t care much for spending time with loved one’s, they only say they do since it’s politically correct to say you do. Therefore, I promise to ditch everyone from my life.

Even though I’m probably a clinical drunk, I will drink at least double the amount in 2009. What says a better year than being even more of a drunk and pissing people off more than ever? I’ll even try to officially change my name to include the “Uncle” in front of my name so people know I’m that drunk uncle before really getting to know me.

Money. Ahhhh yes. The one thing next to personal health that everyone wishes they can fix. Since our economy is such a winning recipe right now, this one should be a breeze, but I promise to borrow as much money as I can and pay none of it back. Maybe try to beat the new mortgage rules and get into a multi-million dollar home even though I make $30k a year. Then right before the end of the year, I’ll file for bankruptcy.

Finally, I’m going to be the biggest asshole to everyone I meet. Most would say I don’t have to try hard on this one, but I’ll go above and beyond my current asshole status and with all the other resolutions above, it should come naturally.