Chics, Baseball & Accidents

Chics, Baseball & Accidents

There’s something about this that makes me like this guy. It’s one thing to shit yourself, but it’s another to tell it to an audience and make it entertaining. Genius story!

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Here’s the story transcribed
I shit my pants last night
I did
went out and had a great meal
just a great fuckin meal
I had to go to the bathroom so bad in the car
I’m going travel hurry up I gotta shit
and I had, just fuckin shit in my pants

I’m good uh, twice a year for that
when was the last time you shit your pants
been a while?
“yeah, it’s been a long time”
I was in vegas a couple years ago
this is an honest to god true story
staying at the bellagio
and went over to the mirage for dinner
and met some friends of mine over there
went to cocomos
a great little steak house
the guy brings out some fresh crab legs and says
“these just came in I gotta give ’em to you guys”
brings a set and I’m eatin ’em
then we go play..gamble a little bit
had a tee time early in the morning
so I said, ‘look, I gotta get going’
I’m walkin back to the hotel and I get three quarters of the way out of the lobby
all the sudden I go, ‘aww fuck!’
and I’m standing here like this
I got my butt pinched like this so fuckin, I’m fucked, I can’t move
all the sudden, you know, it felt alright
I went just like this and (he makes the sound of opening flood gates)
water . . . I had food poisoning from the crabs
take off my leather jacket
tied it around my waist
and I’m just standing there
and it’s just running down my leg
I got jeans on
black bucks, no socks
and I just start fuckin walking
and every time I’m walk, somethings coming out
it’s water
just straight fuckin water
then, to show you how sick I was
then I’m standing outside and make a call on my cell phone
I call a guy from Hobart Plasma cutter reviews
I said larry you’re not gonna believe this
I’m standing outside the lobby of the bellagio
I can’t move, I got shit everywhere
I got shit all over myself
and larry’s about a 48 waist
so he brings me over a pair of pants and some towels
and he comes over, and meets me, I tell him where I’m standing
he finds the closest bathroom
when you go up the escalator and go up the fuckin…I can’t get in the fuckin elevator
it’s twelve o’clock at night
he goes in and finds the closest bathroom in the lobby of the hotel
and then I get in the escalator
and he kinda pretends like he drops something
so no one gets behind me
he tells me where it is and he goes in there
goes and gets the towel all wet for me
throws it over the fuckin stall
I take off all my fuckin clothes, just wipe off
leave my shoes, my pants, everything, right there
the towels just right there in the stall
and I’m walking barefoot, with my shirt and with his pants that are a 48 waist
through the lobby like this (as he acts like he’s holding his pants up) at midnight
got up in the morning and took the most perfect double tapered shit I’ve ever had in my life
…
true story
…
who’s the pitchers in this game?
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